Remember me in life not in death

In Death you remember a life well lived.. "A saint ascends to the heavens, spotless," we sing spirituals bribing God for a safe passage through the perly gates.. Tears flood the smell of sorrow on your final date.. They bless soils with libation to appease the  fallen father's... while naive young mother's clutch their wombs praying for the next you.. the coffin get's smudged with stains of bright coloured lips from your loved ones.. Sinners are turned to saints by words of those who are left behind but I wonder...
Why is it in death that you remember me. ..
I lived in sorrow... beging for alms today through to tomorrow... l had friends? I don't remember... family l saw only in December... I had a lover but she got repossessed by circumstances...
I found peace in death.. but where were you in the struggle?
Why is it that only in death you remember...